By: Pat Heim, PhD. | Tammy Hughes | Latitia S. Lattanzio, PhD, NCSP
Same Expectations or Different?
The finance team at a sporting goods company comprised of eight men and one woman are deciding on the direction for a new product line. A lot of divergent ideas are being tossed around and Susan is particularly passionate about her perspective. As the group began to discuss the best direction—several argued for their point of view. Susan was outspoken about her product ideas. She wanted to make sure she was really heard, she repeated herself and even raised her voice.
A few days later, Susan’s boss Jayden asks to see her. He begins to discuss Susan’s “problematic behavior” at the recent product launch meeting. He tells her that he got feedback that she interrupted others, raised her voice, shut everyone down, and even pounded on the table. Jayden informs Susan that this “curt” behavior is unacceptable on the team. Susan is surprised that she’s being described as “curt.” She explains “I felt very passionate about my ideas and wanted to make sure my outspoken team members heard the direction I was recommending.” She turns to Jayden and asks, “Would you have used the word “curt” to describe this behavior if it were coming from one of the men on the team?” Jayden was taken aback and realizes he would not describe any of the guys as curt. As a result, he let the matter drop but doesn’t know how to handle situations like this in the future. What just happened?
Because of invisible rules that drive gender cultures, we often unconsciously expect certain behaviors from women that we wouldn’t expect from men. Some of the female gender norms include nurturing, cooperating, taking turns when talking, collaborating, and being compliant. Some male gender norms include taking charge, dominating, interrupting, shutting others down, winning at all costs, and speaking loudly.
There are multiple perspectives at play here. The male employees approached Jayden because they perceived Susan’s behavior to be aggressive and problematic to the team dynamics. From Susan’s perspective, she was doing nothing different than what her male colleagues have done on a daily basis. For her, however, being called out on this meeting behavior turned out to be more costly than she anticipated.
When Jayden listened to the feedback from the men on Susan’s team, his unconscious expectations influenced his decision-making about approaching Susan. Without realizing it, this meeting behavior was seen as positive when coming from a man but negative when coming from a woman.
When Jayden listened to the feedback from the men on Susan’s team, his unconscious expectations influenced his decision-making about approaching Susan. Without realizing it, this meeting behavior was seen as positive when coming from a man but negative when coming from a woman.
- A big part of Jayden’s job is to manage the behavior of his direct reports. He has unknowingly had different expectations of his male and female employees. Now that Susan has questioned his “curt” comment, Jayden has the opportunity to examine his management skills and recalibrate his assumptions about “appropriate” employee behavior. Jayden could even take this one step further and become educated about gender differences (see resources below) and/or engage his team in a discussion of expectation and gender.
- Susan has several strategies she may employ. If she studies gender differences research she will come to understand the expectations her male counterparts have of her. She would be able to see that this behavior is, for the most part, unconscious on their part and not directed at her personally. This won’t change the behavior of her team members, but Susan may not feel as attacked. Additionally, she may opt to flex her behavior choosing times to behave more aggressively and at other times conforming to the female expectations imposed on her—simply because that is the most expeditious path. Finally, if she finds a way to introduce Jayden and/or the team to gender research (resources below) she may be able to broaden their perspectives on the expectations they impose on her. (And she on them!)
- It would be most ideal if the information were introduced to the team by a third party. This team could benefit from understanding how the gender cultures work differently, not right/wrong or good/bad, just differently. The most ideal outcome for this finance team would be for everyone in the room to be free to operate out of their unique strengths. See resources below:
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